fairytale

START

2007-10-30T12:55:00.000+08:00

the battle shall begin today

let me fight this war with honour and bravery

and conquer it within 22 days!

HA HA HA
=)

crap

2007-10-28T19:10:00.000+08:00

darn that damn stupid teacher. fancy being my teacher when he couldnt answer most of the questions tat i asked. and he even asked me to refer to the solution book for the answer. den wadeva fuck do i need a tutor. i can jus read that damn book. irritating irresponsible fucker. it's only two days to exams and yet u are doing this to me. fuck la.
damn stressed now. i dunno wad to do. wad to study. wad to start. what to practice, when to memorise. i feel itchy all over and scratching myself continously even when i've bathed for a few times already. my tears jus roll down when i'm reading or studying. what the hell. fuck la! i dun wan to sit for this damn bloody exams already la!
fuck off fucker. i hate u. i hate this. i hate all these crap. get lost.

2007-10-14T13:18:00.001+08:00

exams are nearing
yet
my motivation and revision aint improving
instead
things are going downhill
not only
studies
but
others too
i am
tired
yet
there is
nothing
i can do
i am getting easily
irritatable
moodswings
is it the stress that is controling me
my emotions are
mixed
they are used wrongly at the
WRONG time
WRONG place
WRONG people
i feel
so weak
so drained
i jus wan everything to go by in a flash
jus let go of me
give me wad i wan
this is really too much for me to handle
PLEASE

move on

2007-09-24T13:19:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to shermain!
hahs.
it's a joyous occasion!
bud on the otherhand, it aint that well for me.
although i've always been talkative and "frendly" to everyone. bud i guess, the real me aint that frenly at all. i guess it was also because of wad i feared most, now. making frens, making them ur best frens and realising, they aint the ones for u, realising they are actually not them. its been bugging me quite a lot. though whenever i think of it, i brush it away, it comes back to me very quickly. probably cuz i cherished this relationship alot. bud now, its gone. and i guess, u'll have to let go of somethings when they are meant to leave.
i miss my sistas alot. cuz they are the ones who wont leave me. yet i've not been spending time with them. sighs. i hope things wld be just as good. i jus dun wan changes anymore.
move on.

prelimss

2007-09-12T22:33:00.001+08:00

=((
the papers were horrible.
i just dun wanna study anymore.
its just..
less than 50 days to the big big day.
how prepared am i?
=((

gone

2007-08-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

it tooked me ages for this damnn thing to load. sighs.haven been in the best of moods lately. stress and more stress. prelims' in 17 days while a levels are in 70 days or less. not sure. haven got the time to come online to read the gurls' blogs. felt really useless whenever i read their blogs. so many things are happening to them. yet i know nth. they were feeling so helpless and so down. yet i couldnt and wasnt there for them at all. call myself wad sister huh? sighs. est and yinn bday in a few days. hope to take this chance to catch up with them. den it'll be busy mugging again. den sher's bday and exams again. glad that their bday aint during my exams. =))
have been stressed out lately. cried while trying some prelim papers of other schs. i couldnt even do them. wad abt my a levels in a few week's time? sch haven been great as well. the class is making so much noise and i cant even pay attention and concentrate. frens haven been great as well. bud thankfully michelle have been staying by me. and jl too. though we had tiffs over me not studying at times when i really give up or a self-declared break. i know i can enjoy for all i wan after my exams. i know it jolly well. all i can hope for is everyone to be happy and great while i'm "away". and i'll be back by mid of nov.
smile, so that things wld look better.

downdowndown

2007-08-08T19:02:00.001+08:00

haven been blogging for a long time. din have the time to. bud this blog is more of jus merely for me to give wadeva crapp. sighs. haven been of the best moods on the late. FUCK is the only word i can think of now. especially when i'm pissed or down. sometimes, over small things. while some, are jus nth at all. took a day off out with the class girls to sentosa on sunday. tanning session. wad fun though. bud the thrill of feeling the pain after being sun is more fun. it's a loooong weekend ahead. feeel like meetin the girls. yet, i dun seem to have the mood to. sighs. wad's going through my mind. he's been understanding enough towards me. bud.. i dunno. sighs.
i wanna see the fireworks. everyone's saying its very pretty this year.. =(( bud.. nvms.
think of a million and one ways to make me smile, please.

decades

2007-07-22T21:36:00.000+08:00

oh mann. it seems like months since i've last talked to esther and the gurls online. sighs. this exam studying thing is really making me more and more ANTI-SOCIAL. =((

jl says, u've got to study 12-16hours a day.

kill me please!

rawrrrrs.

its a rush rush rush week ahead again. i may not be online as frequent anymore. so gurls, please do look for me via sms alright! and, i think we might wanna go have a chilling session like.. this friday? (i need a break with u gurls!) or maybe, even jus a meetup.

study study study!

books, here i come!

oh yes, i'm alright with jl already honey sisters. thanx for ur concern, and sorry to make u gurls worry for me. =))

sick ass

2007-07-19T19:34:00.000+08:00

the weeks ending soon again.
a sicked ass claimed to be roy msged me. said some very sicked things and kept asking me to send him my picture. fuck off man. damn ass. spoilt my day. told him off seriously if he werent my fren roy, better get lost and not waste my time.
oh mann. i need tuition!!! rawrss. yays. tuition tml. hahas.

happybirthday

2007-07-14T01:19:00.001+08:00

i cant seem to be able to find a reason to smile during this "joyous" occasion

wads wrong with me

give me a thousand and one reasons to be cheery

please

tml will be a better one

=))

midyears

2007-07-11T20:10:00.000+08:00

got back all my papers except one.
maths.. i had an overall of D. its not good at all. bud if i were to compare with the rest, i think i'm quite okay already. especially since i'm still in the band 1 class. -.-!
flunked physics paper and econs essay COMPLETELY.
shld i sae that i'm disappointed? hmmmm. bud i guess i really did my best la hur. hais.
sch timetable's changed. all lessons ends at 4.05 everyday except tues when i have pe which i'm not sure ends at wad time. and 12.45 on fridays. bud i guess i'll be staying back to studying la. i really need to get started. =((
ting's birthday tml. here's wishing her an early birthday. happy birthday jie! hehs. all the best alrights!=))
off i go. pretty tired.

2007-07-09T23:01:00.000+08:00

i'm so unsure of my feelings.

am i ready for it?

why do i need him so much by my side at times

yet

not even wan to think of him also

wad's going through my mind

wad do i wan

or am i just giving us both the freedom we needed

and jus being

independent

quarter of the results are back.

not satisfied.

or rather,

disappointed

sighs.

give me the motivation to carry on this long run

2007-07-08T20:47:00.000+08:00

neoprints are kinda a must for outtings with them
party world session; bud we felt cheated abt it.

=((
takoballs for dinner with mich at the fountain after hann left
cussie vannessa before arrival of groom

my all time favourite cussie

these roses were the unlucky ones that dropped out of the bouquet after the bride had threw it after her wedding

woke up early in the morning for cussie's wedding, went over to aunt's place, changed, den we started to prepare our "tea" for the groom. very nutritious. inclusive of
tea, coffee, coke, pepper, sugar, salt, sour plum, chicken rice chilli sauce, mac's chilli sauce. hehs. played the groom for like.. and hour plus. pole dance, hulahoop, pumpings, starjumps, jumping jacks, sing song, saying iloveu and imissu in 10 and 5 diff lang. respectively. oh! it was really a new experience for me! hahs. had the church mass at tampines. at that moment, it made me feel like having a church wedding in future too. felt so romantic and sacred. =/ walked down the aisle leading 3 other jiemei and the bride behind. din even had any rehersals. glad that everything was perfect and beautiful. had a buffet den my mom skipped the tea ceremony after that. headed home. fell asleep on the way. seldom did that. slept again after i reached home.

today..

woke up early

mac's breakfast

transformers

sheng siong

a game of pool

home

watched jiayou jinsoon

slept

dinner

online

hahs. tml's the start of sch again. =(( though i've rested enough. bud i am still unprepared to get back my results. sighs. no more breaks anymore! jiayouu!

meeting this week sisters?

=))

an old man celebrated his 75th wedding anniversary with him throbbing down the aisle with his walking stick and his wife in a wheelchair. when asked how did they maintain such a loving and lasting marriage, he said," you have to be mad; madly in love with each other. you need to be blind; blind to ur spouse's faults and flaws. you have to be deaf; deaf to his/her insults. and lastly, u have to be dumb; dumb to any insults for ur wife/husband."

so freaking bored

2007-07-04T16:58:00.000+08:00

yays! gonna meet the girls ltr. =))
hahs. been a super looooong time since i last saw them.
anyways. met ting to get the blusher thingy from her. thx!
den came back, showered and went for facial with mom. oh my god. the lady was quite rough. =(( my poor face. hahs. preferred the previous one at tradehub i think. =/ den rushed for dental. and oh my freaking god. this time hurts so super lot. =(( had dinner and headed home. so freaking bored at home.
shes still my girlfren no matter wad. i jus dunno if its a misunderstanding anot. and i cant clear this misunderstanding cuz i need to protect someone else. hope its really jus a misunderstanding. =))
the week is ending soon. =(( there goes my hols.

it doesnt pay to be kind

2007-07-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

audrey has come to a real simple realisation at twelve midnight on the 3rd july 2007.
which is,
it never pays to be kind.
and that,
her best girlfren had backstabbed her.
and that,
audrey is such a big bloody baddie now.

cool right?
this thing is really making me super high.
the only thing i wanna noe now is,
did she really did it?

i hope,
its jus another miscommunication.

2007-06-30T01:16:00.000+08:00

10 days past with me all alone at home.and they are gonne be back like.. 5 hours' time? wonder if i'll be used to having them around at home again. lols. anyways.
yst.. paper was HORRIBLE. okay. i actually studied till 5 in the morning. din wanna sleep at first. bud mich said she felt 'gong gong' after sleeping late on monday so i was afraid that wad i studied would not be fully used if i were to be too exhausted. woke up late, rushed bud was too early in the end. lols. had planned to eat dinner with the girls den go home sleep till the next day. bud after the horrible paper, i din had the mood to sleep. packet ljs to shiqi's place to play mj. lols. lost abit of money. =(( urms. cabbed home cuz sky was threatening to pour. actually it did rain. came back to pack a set of clothes den went to meet my 2nd sis in law to go their place stay over. i din wanna be all alone with the storm again. den, at her place, i realised that i cldnt sleep the other time. probably cuz i "recognise" the bed or the room conditions. so in the end, i CABBED home again. -.-! wasted money. bud was too tired la. so came back wash and slept.
today. woke up. no one was free/available for me. so ended up doing housework. lols. pack, swept, mopped the whole house. den washed TOILET. lols.den went shiqi house to play mj again. lols. den met my sis in law to town. walked arnd. had dinner at kobayashi. and we took neoprint! lols. they were simply jus entertaining me. i was doing ALL THE DOODLING la! =(( bud quite nice i guess. =)) shopped arnd.. only bought a foundation from the face shop. wanted to go far east shop. bud ALL THE SHOPS WERE CLOSED. wth! =(( spoilt my mood. headed home in the end. tired.bored.
ciaoss.

HELL EXAMS

2007-06-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

i wanna just
NOT SIT FOR ANY PAPERS ANYMORE!
this is really driving me crazy. studied so hard. studied late into the night.
YET.
i cld barely even get 35% for the physics p2 and econs p3.
i did studied. none of i knew came out.
all was jus alien to me.
i hate this feeling.
wadeva for did i study so hard in the first place when all that i studied DID NOT COME OUT.
to hell with exams.
=((

exams

2007-06-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

oh yes!
my reason for coming online is to blog.
hehs.
forgot all abt it when pple starts chatting with me.
=/
anyways.
i'm dying at home.
two reasons:
exams and loneliness.
bud all these will be gone after thurs papers.
bud i doubt i'll be at home, so no more loneliness.
after the papers end, i'll have to stress and reasons to be so EMO.
lols.
wish me luck for all my papers though i'm prepared not to do well this time.
=((
ciaos~

gosh.

2007-06-14T02:45:00.000+08:00

i'm not sure wad's going through my mind now.
it's stuffed with MATHS, ECONOMICS AND PHSYICS.
yet i'm feeling wrong about somethings.
some, i dunno wad things.
time's running out for me.
sighs.
i needa a good break.
i need to think about lots of things.
i need freedom and understanding.
wad is running through my mind at this time?
not maths. not physics. neither econs. den wad?
save me, PLEASE.

no time no time!

2007-06-11T01:12:00.000+08:00

its been such a super long time since i blogged. bud anyways. i'm here now jus to blog. and jus to inform anyone, that i'm going mia. doubt i'm coming online often anymore. i had jus looked through my syllabus and realised that i'm not even HALFWAY there when my time is left with 13 days to be exact. =(( GOSH. i seriously need 48 hours a day PLEASE. okayys.
urms. past week. studied at home, MOST of the time, i THINK. bud lost the determination after like.. 3 days? ended up slacking around. =( went kbox with jl on friday afternoon. sang till the both of us felt so tired. went aunt house after that for dinner. saturday morning went jp mac for breakfast with him, bought a pair of 3/4s from baleno. white. sth new for me i think. anyways. i din noe why i bought it. it was supposed to be jl looking for tops. ended up me taking the bottom and heading straight into the fitting room. =/ today. went jogging from my house, all the way to chinese garden, den walked to the market place for breakfast den back home. slept thru the afternoon, went bugis with parents, home, tv, slack.
dear god, please give me MORE time! =(
i'm counting down to the days to my OFFICIAL FREEDOM. 165 days. (approx) =))

JIAYOUUUUUUUUUU.

i guess, though we are already more than frens, bud i'm still not ready to be in a relationship. not that i've got no confidence in u, bud rather, myself. i cant assure u, most imptly, myself that i wld be confident in makign this r/s a good one. besides, i cant afford to have any distractions now. bud i'm thankful that u are understanding enough. =) thank you.

TIRINGG

2007-05-31T23:25:00.000+08:00

yst was super nice. walked like nobody's business in my heels. legs almost broke in the end. urms. today. shall cut it short. it was all abt, pray at the temple, den to pasir ris park for my ahma's bday bbq- cycled, chatting sessions with the obasans, mahjong, eat, and home! =))
tired! off to bed I GO!

to my lovely sister..

i know things may seem quite wrong for u at this moment. it seems as if things that u had decided and had done seem to be wrong, yet they are right also. it feels so confusing. things are happening as if they are there to make u feel worst. i've been through this.. feeling moody and getting so emotional all of a sudden by a random thought. and worst is, i can cry and be so bothered abt sth not so impt. bud hey. gurl. the worst would be over very soon. and about typing ur feelings out.. i'm so alike to u! i cant use my mouth at all. at least u gurls can quarrel. if u wan me to quarrel, i cant even do that. i can only use sms to quarrel. sometimes, typing or writing things out is better cuz u can think slowly, den consider wad is really on ur mind. i dunno. we should meet up more often okayy. and PLEASE get well sooon! so that u wunt be at home thinking abt any other things except me. okayy? hugggs.

xianie's bday

2007-05-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

i slept late last night, ended up being so totally drained this morning. =((
lecture was terrible. i dunno why am i always ending sitting around or near some very superly noisy pple. =/ yst were some 'noisy boys' like wad mich had called them, today were noisy boys again, bud a different grp. IRRITATING! rawrss.. mich huian and hannah din turn up today. left me and sukmun to fend for ourselves. and poor me was so sexually harrassed by her. ended up being TOUCHED BY HER. =(( save meeeeeee. =X hurried to sign up for this physics test by ntu, which falls on FOURTEEN JULY! =(( bud luckily its in the morning. hehs. anyways. came back, had a chat with mom. been a long time since i last chatted with her. okay, that was more of, being good and sit there and listen to her talk. hehs. den after that, slept thru the whole afternoon. still feeling sleepy. =((
this week's gonna be past in jus a twinkle of an eye. busy busy busy. pple need 48 hours a day. i need 72. cuz the other 24 wld be for me to sleep. how nice isnt it! =))

xianie's birthday today, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DA JIE! hahas. huggs.

current status

2007-05-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

guy: do u like our current status?
me:*read, think, smile* okay arr. you?
guy: okay lo.
me: hahas. den okay lo! =)

this feeling.. i dun consider it being in love. do you? i'm not pretty sure wad state is this called. the gaseous, liquid or solid one? hahas. no strings attached. independent comes with freedom. which can be sth negative or even, positive. hahas. it's late at night. and i'm getting emo. hahas. with all the crap coming up too!

holidays are OFFICIALLY HERE!
to my sisters, oh, we can meet up MORE often. maybe for a meal or exercising? hehs. studying together would be great too!
to myself, PLEASE START STUDYING SOON. you've got NO MORE time!

i'm a happy lil' girl!

today.... sisters bday celebrations, smiles, laughters, food, cake, happinesss

vivo with ting

2007-05-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

shopped and walked till my legs drop!
hahhas. met ms weiting. supposingly at 10.45. she msged me last night, change to 11. den at 10.45, she msg me change to 11.15. okay. i was ON TIME. den, she came only at 11.45. =)) wad made the waiting worst was i forgot to bring my earpiece and i sat there waiting, staring at blank space. (yst she was still saying that she WOULDNT be late. she's changed for the better.)TSKTSKTSK!hahahs.
anyway. went vivo.. ate at burger king.. walked... shopped.. den i met jl at outram.. went to bugis.. he ate kfc while i yakked and yakked abt i forgot wad. den we walked arnd bugis street. not really walked arnd. walked through and fro that street. and i went to take a look at the heels i wanted to get. BUT! i din in the end. dun haf money le! =(( caught pirates of the carribean. and there was this couple who were... urms.. okay, their heads were STICKED together.. occasionally moving here and there.. and was blocking jl despite his height. lols. and jl watched two shows at the same time. the movie, plus, A FREE SHOW. hahs. anyway.. went to find est cuz she wasnt still feeling well. bud some big pple were there so i cldnt stay long. urms. went je after that to try my luck to see if i cld buy sth. bud cldnt. the shops were closed. =( shall try tml morning. den came back. yupps.
yawns. i'm tired. gtg!
i bought a perfume, and three packs of mashmallows! yuummmms!

raffles marina

2007-05-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

it pissed the damn bloody hell out of me. and i hated that damn feeling.
to me, i know my limits. i know what kinda pple am i. i'm not the pretty type. not the clever type. not the fashionable type. and never the centre of attraction. so that can explain well why somepple do not care a hoot about you. its okay. i'm jus fine with it. you can do wadeva hell shit u wan and jus leave me alone. my frens. yea. go ahead. bud dun let me catch u trying anything funny. cuz i do not wanna expose u.
indeed. u can sae that i'm jealous. i'm angry. bud it's not about that. its not abt the frenship that i'm talking abt now. bud how much i mean to u. someone who can be easily right at the back of ur mind? YES. i get it. and i wunt bother moving myself right through ur mind to get ur attention, ANYMORE. cuz it SUCKED, AND STILL SUCKS. admit the fact that this frenship is going downhill. i've tried. and i'm getting more SICKED of it. in fact, i hate things to be this way. LEAVE IT AND SCRAM. bud leave the memories here. cuz i doubt u wld wan them anyway. dun tell me things like.. i shldnt be wilful anymore cuz ther wldnt be beautiful scenaries arnd me, or things like, i shld take things for granted. cuz i did tried. i really did tried. did u see my efforts? if u cldnt, den its sad to sae that its too late. cuz my heart for u has been stored into the freezer. wld it die being frozen or wld it be forgotten or wadeva.. i dunno. i jus hate this present, and missed the good old days.
had "sch" at raffles marina today. had a talk la. and it was a WHOLE LONG DAY. bud i enjoyed myself. learnt quite a number of things, like, i'm a "feeling" person cuz i wunt be able to sack one of my best pals from my whole grp of colleagues if i had to, and a "sensing" person..okay. till now, i still dunno whether i'm an extrovert or an introvert. cuz it seems like i'm BOTH! hahahs. and sths about gurls and guys, which i tot wld really be a good one if boyfrens do learn from it! - like, gurls mean sth when they say nth. hahas. sounds familar? lols. anyway! had a short trip out to sea. it was definitely nice. cuz it with ur frens. and everyone was busy snapping pics and trying to play rose and jack! =)) headed straight home cuz i was PISSED THE HELL OUT OF ME. had dinner and slacked in front of my beloved tv shows! hehs.
busy day tml! gotta sleep early! i'm tiredddddddd.

would you be there

2007-05-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

heard this song from the 9oclock show from channel 8.. it's really quite sweet and meaningful. the title is would you be there

If I were blue, would you be there for me,

And whisper in my ears that's ok.

Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,

And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,

And touch my lips with tender loving care,

Would you die for me, would you run with me,

And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?

Would you swear that your love is always true?

Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?

Would you swear that your love is always true?

Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

was back at sch after 2 days of mc..

hmmm. somehow sch dun seem the same.

hmmmmms.

anyways. it's gonna be the weekends again!

cheeros to xianie and yinn who are working!

and cheeros if we are meeting up sooooon!

anyway.

the show is quite nice.

shall talk more abt it when i have the time.

hahas.

off to bed i go!

bed bed!

so sick

2007-05-21T20:49:00.000+08:00

2 days mc.

sleep, eat, rest, tv the whole day.

felt so weak all over.

think i'm not going sch tml already.

feel as if i'm so sick.

=((

totally unwell

2007-05-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

okay. i wasnt so unwell as compared to the other time when i left sch early and had a two day mc.

yst's gp paper was terrible. think i wrote of out the question. =(( came back and slept till 4 liddat.. went to sch for stupid sports day. had sore throat at that time. den had terrible headache after that. lucky me daddy came to pick me. reached home, ate my dinner and did i dunno wad, took my temp. 37.9. grrr. took 2 panadols and went to bed. woke up abt close to twelve i think. was still having a fever. bud not that bad.. dropped to 37.6 i think. mr nice jl(for once hahs.) came to my place to go lunch with me. hahs. went to the market and had fishball noodles. talked a while den went ntuc cuz he wanted to buy some snacks. went home and slept again. den this time my temp went up again. -.- 38. rawrrrr. went out for dinner, visited granny, and stuff. yeaa.. urms. going to sleep. aint well. =((

anyway. my aunt got this chalet from the 28 till 31 or 1st. bud they are not going over to stay until like 30 or 31. so if u gurls wanna celebrate xianie's bday.. we could use the place for free. hehs. though i noe that u gurls have to study and work.. we could try to work out sth? yups. jus a suggestion! and it's at pasir ris! yups. hahas. =))

gp paper tml

2007-05-17T22:03:00.000+08:00

gp paper tml!
wish me luck!
the weekends are here!
please let them stay longer!
having stupid sch sports day tml from 6 to 9.30.
dumb asses!
=((

weekends are coming!

2007-05-16T21:29:00.000+08:00

after a few days of serious observations, i finally conclude that THINGS AINT THE SAME ANYMORE. yups. the attitude, the tone, the smiles, the laughter, the everything everything isnt the same. i've tried. did my best. did the hard way- force, did the soft approach, talk. NEITHER worked. and since things this way is wad u wan, den so be it. i've given up.
trying to curb my temper lately. trying to sit back and observe somethings. and did some reflections. sad case is that, reflections seemed only to be regrets. yet these regrets seem to be unavoidable. wadeva.
anyways. was damn pissed by this stupid irritating MAN when i was taking bus. he had leaned forward and placed his arms on the metal handle on the chair in front. den i wanted to sit at that sit cuz the other side of the bus had sun shining in. den i sit down already, his hands were like beside me. still dun wanna take away lehs. den i turn back he still dun move away. den i lean forward he still don take his hands away den keep making some irritating noise. damns. den after that i moved away he still make those noises until in front the guy turned behind to look. damn him. den worst was i alight already he open the bus window and looked at me. DAMN him! urghs. sicko.
sch wasnt as great. having headache. feeling tired too. sian arrr.
yays. the week is passing in a twinkle of an eye! yays!

love should be like this

2007-05-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

okay. a quick post before i go back to my maths. =((
sch today was.. boring i guess? hahas. but i think everyone felt the pressure abt the upcoming mid year exams in 6 weeks time and everyone went to the library to do hw. hahas. hmmmm. after sch.. came back and did some laundry before going golf with my bro. OMG. i played till there were blisters on my finger. -.-! sighs. anyways. came back.. did some searching for my notes and FOUND THEM at long last. hahs. okay. i haf to get back to my maths! booooos!
family's in a mess. dun ask. i wunt answer any of those. =)
i'm loving my life this way. if things aint going the way i wan, i jus let it pass. somethings which were so important to me.. may not be as important anymore. i dunno. i dun wanna go search for an answer too. bud i guess, love is this way. u do the things u are happy abt. and u make sure that person is happy too. that's all about.. love. =))
sistas~ i miss u girls. xianie bday celebration howw?? hhaas. we gotta have a conference soooon! =))

busybusybusy

2007-05-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

oh my god.
things are certainly moving too fast for me to catch up. i really need more time every single day.
i need to tie up some loose ends of some uncertain feelings, and move on.
i need to get back to track to real business.
i need to take time off busy schedules to meet up with my love sweet ones.

the weekend was spent..
friday.. went to catch 200 pounds beauty again with class girls. took neoprints. =)) cabbed down to nyjc for cuzzie's play- ottello. trained back jurong all myself. =((
sat. had some stupid institute day, wasted time. had terrible cramps. slept thru the day. went out for mum day dinner. quarreled with parents. went eski bar with family. drank graveyard. indeed. it almost took my life. went home feeling a bit.. drowsy? bud i liked that feeling since i wasnt in the best mood. slept.
sunday. met up with jl. lunched at swensens. slept thru the afternoon again. tv. slack.

yinn. i'm not pretty sure abt the details. bud.. be brave my dear. take some time off work and relax. i promise kbox with u. let's go this week! everyone's here with u alright? and i'm sorry for not being able to join on sat night. thousands of apologies.

fucked up!

2007-05-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

my hands trembled. my voice shivered. my heart.. ached. i dunno why. was it cuz of plain jealousy? who is he for me to get so unhappy and so distracted. someone who criticised me. who said i was ugly. how much can i take this. sorry. i cant. u were so close with her for ur whole of year 2 right? so wad does that mean? WE WERE STILL TOGETHER AT THAT TIME. u telling me u were already so close with her when we were stil together? does that explain why u couldnt care more abt me when we were together?
you suck i tell u. u really do. why am i letting myself getting so distracted, so FUCKED UP for nth. for something which does not concern me a tiny bit? what the hell.

emotional battle

2007-05-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

hahs. felt so stupid for forgetting my password and everything. that explains why i din blog.
the past few days were an emotional battle i fought. forget abt those since days seems to be brighter. i dunno how bright is it going to get, bud i really have to stand independently tall and strong. =)) cheers for me! hahs.
forgot wad i had wanted to blog for the past few days. things can really go really wrong at times when it shouldnt.
heard from a fren that HE was seen smoking. my heart skipped at that moment. den later, i tot.. is it cuz i still had feelings for him.. of course, i wunt deny that i have that little bit of feelings lingering arnd. bud.. definitely, not anymore. i dun harbour any thoughts of patching, of having a "future" with him again. i was feeling so.. bothered by it. it kept going through my mind.. why. why did he have to resort to that. how could it be. why. why why. ltr on.. when i came back.. told jl abt it.. and he asked me to go ask him directly. i tot, that wld be good as it can confirm things. den ltr on i asked his fren to go ask him. a relief was that, NOPE. he din smoke. greatt. =)) that was a load off my mind.
anyway. i'm off. ciaos.

she aint happy at all

2007-05-02T18:47:00.000+08:00

she's aint happy at all.

she kept quiet most of the times.

she tried to surpress all her feelings.

so much so that she had to run away from everything and anything.

she had learnt how to pretend.

pretend not to hear.

pretend not to see.

pretend not to know.

pretend not to care.

did she purposely pretended that she din see them?

or she jus really din see them?

who are they to her?

who is she to them?

it's gone.

everything is changed.

she cant turn the time back.

she can only continue living in all her lies.

continue to pretend.

it's so fake.

and

i hate it.

spiderman3

2007-05-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

the show was GREATTTT. it was full house. even the FIRST ROW.
had dinner at banquet of 7 pple. hahs. first time at foodcourt with the whole family.
had a tiff with mum on the way back. wasnt in the best mood. the thought of sch starting tml was worst. he called me and we talked on the phone. not sure why and how did we touch on the topic of entering uni. was glad that he was accepted in both ntu and nus. and he had the choice to choose where he wanted to study. good for him. felt the stress at that time. kinda kept quiet. den we talked abt studies and sth that was related to it. felt worst. hung up arnd 10.30pm. bud he called again cuz i msged him.. ' ylenol os. yppahnu os. yrc annaw i.' den he kept asking. and i kinda cried. i dunno why i cried. at that time, i felt so weak. i felt so much that i needed someone who would understand how i felt. or maybe, know how i felt. bud i jus denied everything. he was kinda worried cuz i said not much. kept asking me to go sleep early so that i wunt think too much. i'm really stressed over my studies now. i cant believe it bud i cant do any questions of my hw. even when i tried, i got them wrong. wad's wrong with me now. wad will my future be. i dun wan to think. i really dun wan. but i cant control my thoughts.

who are u to me. i dunno.
so many things running thru my mind.
i jus wanna runaway.

labour day!

2007-05-01T14:34:00.000+08:00

i'm bored stiffed!
wanted to do my hw. bud it's not getting anywhere! cuz i dunno how to do any of them.
save me please!
need tution urgently! =((
had a rather bad day at sch yst. tried not to talk as much as i cld.
met jl after i came home to change and bath. he came to my place to find me. so unlike of him. hahs. anyways. went vivo to catch a movie. din had the money to shop. =(( ate old chang kee which we had smuggled in. lols. the movie, ming ming. hahs. i bet it's a waste money show and he regretted it. lols. okay la. the actors and everything seem quite OKAY, bud the plot was TERRIBLE. urms. had a lot of matrix. -.-! and i din understand the WHOLE SHOW only until the end! =/ and i was fidgeting thru-out the whole show. cuz the seat was so terrible. either i'm too short if not it's the design of the seats that had a problem. bud i think i'll choose the latter. =) hehs. urms. walked here and there to look for food. went to the interchange food court bud it's all closed. went harbourfront centre. everything was closing too. had no choice bud to go back my place's mac to eat. hahs. quite sad huh. den we ate kfc. found it so sinful and i jus ate half a burger. hehs. walked home. quite tired.
woke up kinda late today. it's LABOUR DAY! gonna catch spiderman3 ltr at jp with my family. IT'S THE FIRST TIME we're watching as a whole big family. hahs. i wanna get a boyfren too! everyone's in couple! =(( humphsss!

to the gurl.
hope that u are feeling better today. come to think of it, i haven played my part as ur sister. i'm sorry. bud i jus wan u to know that despite our busy schedules and studies and wad not, our hearts are still there. and we still care for u. huggs.

runaway

2007-04-29T18:57:00.000+08:00

what is on my mind now. who was on my mind? am i choosing who i wanna think of? i dunno what i wan.
the weekends are over. i'm dreading sch so much tml.
sighs.
who am i to u. and who are u to me?
i dunno.
runaway.

friends forever

2007-04-28T18:14:00.000+08:00

last night's meet up was definitely is great one. i dunno why. but being with the girls really did give me a good break. and i won sher's money. no. NOT ONLY ME. meiyin won ur money tooo! hahas. had a mahjong session. had started with only 2 bucks. lost quite a lot. den i won sher's money. lols. SORRY LA HUH! =P anyway. yinn says it's retribution for u since u won their money the other time! LOL. cabbed home with yinn. chatted online. was too bored. said my piece to a fren and went offline. read the book i borrowed from esther. NICE BOOK. hahs. morning, went breakfast with dad though i din eat. cuz i wld be meeting jl to eat big breakfast! YAYS! it's like finally i got to eat it! YUMMMMMS. hehs. caught 200 pounds beauty. OMG! that's a must watch show! i cried la! lol. it's really nice and touching. urms. walked arnd jp den went imm. wanted to eat lunch at a few places. bud it's either too ex or there werent places for us to eat. finally settled at STREETS. urm. some chinese cuisine. it's not pretty ex and the food's pretty good. 3.5 thumbs up out of 5. the rest failed cuz of the hygnie. went entertainment centre's arcade. he met his frens. -.-! bud i jus stood aside and pretend i din noe him. hehs. bud anyway, they din noe who i was. took a bus home. feeling tired. rawrrrr. the weekend's 3/4 gooneeee! =((

i dunno why bud at this point of time, i'm so afraid to graduate. i had graduated from secondary sch 3 years ago. the feeling definitely wasnt great. indeed, u've moved ahead to the next level of education. bud also, u will be leaving ur frens. for the least, i was glad that i had my sisters to stay with me even after secondary sch. wad abt my life at mi? how many would remain as close as present? or maybe, at least, constant contacts, updating of each other's lives. frenship btw me and my 2 best buddies aint getting any better. on the surface, things are still as good and fine as before. deep down in ur hearts, do u ever realise that.. we've moved in different directions. we've drifted apart? a song which i think really suit wad i'm thinking now..

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Spent together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Krystal find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Spent together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

2 days mc

2007-04-27T14:42:00.000+08:00

i was given 2 days mc, inclusive of yst. signed out of sch after maths lessons. was feeling damn terrible. had only wanted to go home and rest. bud mum was going to the doc. so i went too. and the doc actually said i had caught some virus. =( she gave me a total of 7 types of med. =((
anyway. i cld have chosen not to turn up at sch today. mich din go. cuz today's lessons were jus a waste of time. was deciding whether to go with hannah arnd 6 plus 7. she said she din wan to at first. den in the end when i had already turned off all the lights and everything, getting ready to go back to sleep, she called and ask me go sch! =/ made me rush like hell. anyway. sch was a total SLACK. waste time. luckily have maths. if not i wldnt go even if u paid me to.
gonna meet up with the girls later! yays! hahas.

sick

2007-04-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

officially: sick.
not pretty sure if i'll be well enough to attend sch tml. its like, i've finally become sick when i really wan to. (i've been hoping to fall sick so that i can skip sch). bud tml's a long day and i cant afford to miss any lessons! sighs. okay. i'm jus gonna let myself rest and if i'm not well by tml, i'll skip sch. =P
my head's feeeling very heavy. dun wanna try to recall wad happened or wad i wanna blog.
family matters are in a state of... i dunno wad. i'm tired. let me rest, peacefully.

earth week!

2007-04-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

i was literally giggling when i received the "replies" of the forwarded msg i had received from xianie. hahs. i din noe that i was so irritating. hahas. and when the ring tone for the msg started singing powerpuff... i was giggling and i knew it was cuz i had sent peeps that msg. hahas.
sch was alright la. maths was TERRIBLE. we were practically chasing after the lesson. sighs. gotta do revision and hw already. =(( had pe.. played ULTIMATE frisbee. i dunno why ULTIMATE. hahs. sounds kinda professional though. lols. came back den slack abit until one of my fren who had jus undergone an op at his hand msg me. i din noe whether to go down visit him at the hospital. hahs. furthermore, when i asked him again, he had fallen asleep and din reply me. so in the end when he called, it was kinda late and din go down. hope he's having a speedy recovery. =))
tml's wednesday. short day. wonder wad i'll do after sch. hmmmmms. working with esther at this liza wang concert! woooot. i was telling my mum and she was like, WHAOS I ALSO WAN. hahs. was still talking to her abt the price of that concert and thinking if i shld pay for a pair of tickets for her and dad to go celebrate mum's day. hahas. in the end, it became me going! lols.
off i go! =))
hugs.

happy besties day to my sisters!
happy besties day to all my frens!
and this week is the earth week. do sth abt it huh. i'm being a good girl by cutting down the usage of plastic bags. WAD ABT U?

reminiscing

2007-04-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

i spent the whole time on my way back reminiscing abt somethings.
the rain was heavy. my mood was feeling rather down too.
i dunno what to say.
i'm tired.

unfortunate events

2007-04-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

a few things which made me felt quite sad.
a disagreement with fren over some sch stuff. it's not worth it. spoilt my mood. shall throw it away. as in, the matter. let it go. forget it.
was on my way home from dinner and there were these vehicles by the canal leading from pandan reservoir. they were there to look for the kid who slipped into the reservoir and unfortunately washed away. it's since afternoon. and it's all cuz of a handphone which dropped into the waters and the four boys went in to pick it. fortunately 3 others were saved. my family were saying that it din seem possible to save the boy alive. i'm sadden by this. i'm not sure why. the first thought that came into my mind was, WHY PICK IT WHEN THE PHONE HAS DROPPED INTO SOMEHWERE WHICH SEEMS LIKE A BOTTOMLESS PIT? i cldnt figure out why. i felt really sad. i really do hope and pray that he is saved alive. PLEASE. mum says that they are still young thats why they cldnt think of the consequences of going into the water to pick it. indeed, if i were younger and my phone dropped into the water, i'll panick to get it back. cuz my parents wld kill me if i lost the phone. and i think at that moment, i think i'll rather die than get killed by my parents. now, who's fault is it? boy's? or parents'? god bless please.
had project meet ups with my class pple. yst was sukmun huian khainam jeff and shuyuan at paragon starbucks. discussed the design for the costume of stupid lame childish earth week runway. -.- oh. i met esther to go down town with her sis too. went taka to buy their presents for respective pple. hahs. walked arnd heeren and cine before heading down to big bro's place for dinner. today met the guys at shark's place. luckily gwen was there. shark gwen khainam jeff shuyuan me. it was, alright. boring and fun at times. had our luffs too. costume was made. hahas. I'M A GOOD DESIGNER kaess. hahas. came back all the way from khatib myself. =(( came home, din felt like doing my hw.. so i went to sleep till dinner. =))
the weekends are OVER again! =(( sighs. i'm looking forward to labour's day holiday! =))
shall we go drink this friday sisters? hehs.

surfing net

2007-04-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

i am here, at bukit gombak.. at HANNAH'S PLACE. while the rest of the girls are playing mahjong, i'm surfing the net. hmmm. i'm just gonna stay home and rest rest and rest this weekend! yays! finally. sighs. bud i'm having the urge to go buy my pair of shoes that i had seen at douby ghaut last week. bud i'm feeling so motivated to SAVE MONEY. hahs. ehh. so good girl huh. =))
haven been online or been able to chat with the girls online this few days. cuz i've been so tired after sch and i always go sleep IMMEDIATELY after my hw. arhhh. do u call this a life? boooos!
not sure wad to update now. hehs. will think of things to update ltr. maybe tonight or tml.. =))

i'm lost. bud i'm happy with this life i'm having. it's nice. =))

everyone's leaving

2007-04-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

lost.

she's unhappy.

she's lonely.

her friends are leaving her.

she's keeping everything to herself.

everything's so fake.

she doesnt wan to talk.

she dislikes talking now.

wad happened.

i dunno.

lost.

2007-04-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

i thought that i've gotten u buried right in my memories. bud u werent. i was jus deceiving myself in my own illusions that i had created. i still thought of u so much. so much that i thought would u also care abt me. am i being foolish?
its so true.. i got this from nada sou sou that i had watched on saturday..
"though memories may fade, bud it just takes one reminder, to set the tears aflow."
i thought of u so much that my tears were back. i wondered.. how have u been? did u have another girl by ur side since u've so many girl-friends all the time. how's ur sch today. how is the pple there. how's ur mum. how's ur family. how's.. how have u been. did u.. even thought of me?...
i'm lost at my life again. i'm hating life. i'm hating school. i'm hating studying. wad's happening to me again. i've lost the passion in talking. i talk for the sake of talking at school now. i dun like wad i'm doing. i dunno how to smile. i've forgotten how to. can someone teach me how to smile and live my life the right way?
i wonder..

2007-04-16T20:06:00.000+08:00

i felt like i'm addicted to drinking. felt like staying out into the night and go drink. =/
mum noes abt me drinking with the girls. and she said that i've learnt to gamble, learnt to drink. am i going to learn to "womanize"? hehs.
tml's my actual a lvl spa. wish me luck. i'm feeling sian and tired abt studying. yawns.. sighs. save me please.
i'm disliking sch. my life seems so messed up.life now is just all about studying and nth. even weekends are so boring. grrrr. i need a life! i'm bored bored bored. boooos! =((
there are so many things that i wanna tell everyone. bud who'll interested? =((

damnss

2007-04-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

i dunno why bud i jus felt like talking to him. no. it wasnt a talk. bud i jus wan to remind him that.. i still care. i'm not sure if wad i did was right or wrong. bud i jus din think i did anything wrong.
"if i'm not wrong.. ur sch starts tml. it's been a long while since we've last talked. i'm not sure how's ur life been doing. bud i think it's pretty fine. ite is a place for someone to be able to work hard for his future and it can be a place for him to learn the wrong things. i hope u would choose the first one. study hard. u can do it. jus have more faith and confidence in urself. take care. "
there were much more that i had wanted to sae. i'm not sure wad were they. bud i jus had a feeling that i wanted to sae more. its okay.. i'm not sure how his lfe have been. i guess, he must have been busy working. i dunno why.. bud my eyes were whelmed with tears. i dunno wad that meant. i dun wanna go thru the ordeal thinking abt it anymore.
had a small argument with jl just now. it did affected me. not pretty sure how we started. bud i remembered saying sth like.. it was everyone's wish for me to forget him. yet when i sae that i din think of him, or when i talked to other guys, u pple call me a flirt, someone so fickled-minded. i'm at a loss of wad to do. all i needed most was guidance for what i should do. yet u pple are so contradictory. i hate this. i hate all the rubbish rumors or brainless talks. i'm tired.
i'm so bored nowadays. yet there seem to have nothing and no one to talk to. i din wanna turn to jl. he dun have any obligations to keep me company when i'm bored or lonely. sighs. i'm begining to hate life. esp life at sch. it just sucks totally.

2007-04-15T17:18:00.001+08:00

DAMNS. MY LONG ENTRY JUS WENT BLANKED!
i'm bored bored bored!

sweet sisters

2007-04-14T01:55:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to be in bed already. bud felt like bloggin abt today before the weekend gets too busy and i've got no time to blog again. urms. met esther abt 5 plus at taka. realised how direction idoit i was! no. i wasnt that bad. jus that i dun frequent the place so i dunno the place well. =)) lols. anyway. we walked arnd and sat at 'graffiti'. it's a shop for u to drink and eat la. interesting thing is that pple can jus do any graffiti on anywhere at that place. =)) sounds cool right. haahs. anyways. met up with the girls and had pastamania for dinner. urms. i ordered carbonara. wasnt that fantastic. left close to half of it untouched. it was too dry and creamy. guess if there were more sauce it wld taste better. =) chatted a while den we headed down to holland v. wanted to go wala wala. bud we are UNDERAGED! damns. hahs. den we went BACK to eski bar instead. BACK did not mean we went there the previous time bud for me yinn and sherr, we had went in. and came out and GO IN AGAIN. and yinn sher and me was checked for our i/c cuz the fella thinks that we are too young the second time we entered! guess the guy was angry with us for leaving and coming back again! =( had margarita lime and we shared dunno wad beer. and i was the FIRST to drink that terrible tasted beer! yucks! hahas. urm. enjoyed both my drinks alot. esp the individual one. i had actually finished it faster than usual. and sher was kinda worried that i'll go tipsy. hehs. played a few drinking games, took pics, toilet, den yinn and i cabbed home. played mahjong with bro sis in law and mom. so tired now. yawns. =((
weekend, please go by slowly. =))

rain

2007-04-13T14:56:00.000+08:00

i love to watch the raindrops fall onto the floor, onto the water puddles. feeling it dropping on me making me wet. took our project work results. aimed and expected a band one. bud i only got a two. i should be thankful enough. cuz i was among the only 3 who got band 2 in my whole class. the rest had a band 3. the feeling aint great. ur own group mates getting not as good, and ur besties not doing it well either. i din noe wad to sae. so i jus kept quiet. i thought that if i spoke, pple would shoot me saying i've got a band 2 and why am i making so much noise. sighs. bud i do hope that they are alright. i walked in the rain to my bus stop and took bus. walked in a much heavier rain at my house bus stop. stood in the heavy rain while crossing the road. though it was making me dripping wet, i din noe why bud i jus love it. looking at the rain at sch yst reminded me of secondary days. when we would play in the rain or jumping onto water puddles to make each other wet. those, were the days. =) i'm not sure if i'm going out soon since it's raining. =/ hmmm. shall see how........ meeting my sweetest piessss in 4 hours' time. =))

i dun despise smokers. bud i was surprised when i came upon chance to noe that one of my fren does. would i call him a close fren? hmmm. maybe good frens. when i asked him, he seemed to have denied. probably he wasnt comfortable in letting me noe. hmmmms. i dunno wad i'm thinking. =/

emotional toil

2007-04-11T21:35:00.000+08:00

a break from my hw for a while. sch's been not smooth on the late. having conflicts with another class' girls. other that that, i've got very shallow minded classmates. and some things which after some thinking.. made me felt so sad.
having conflicts with other class girls. well. i had tolerated all their nonsense. they had started from michelle. calling us bitches, sluts and wadeva not. that day mich cldnt stand it and quarreled in the maths lesson. and the teacher jus pretended he din hear anything. was it right? bud that's not the main point. i admit i was bad. i called someone who was bigger in size FAT, and FATTIE. i was damn pissed after the floorball teacher had insisted that me and hannah write a withdrawal letter and that she said SOMEONE had complaint to her that we were using the name of FLOORBALL to skip pe lessons. i bet it was no one bud that girl. bud. it's over. i sincerely apologise for such a personnal attack. bud even if i was wrong, u were nv right either. not speaking abt u not being the one wo had complaint to the teacher, bud rather, u'd always nv been kind with ur words to anyone whom u saw. i've heard u speaking ill of others, be it u noe, or not. i hope u'll repent. if not, wad comes around goes around. u need to be taught a lesson.
shallow minded classmates. a few chats with a new classmate means i'm a flirt? who defines it that way? wad abt the other girls who purposely sit with him and talk to him? i'm not angry actually. cuz i have every rights to do anything i wan. bud come to think of it, hey pple. u are already nineteen, at least. one of u are even at least abt a year older or so. talking to guys and i'm desperate? jus coz i've broken up with my boyfren means i'm flirting? so wad abt those who has a boyfren and FLIRTS publicly? the thought of how u pple think really irks me.
a fren. i've always thought that this fren of mine(regardless of girl or guy, let this fren be a she) would be a quite or rather very close fren. bud the actions that this fren has been carrying out haf been a letdown. i did not expect her actions and words to be this way. are we really her frens? if so, why is she this way? i nv ever wanted to doubt any fren of mine. cuz they are my frens. and i respect and love them for who they are. be it their principles, temper, character. i let them do wad they like and they want. though i'm naggy, bud at the end of the day, i jus wanted to best for them. no harm intended. bud it seems like this fren of mine.. her actions and words.. are so opposing towards me. i'm not sensitive. i've had a discussion over this matter. and realised that i'm not the only one who thinks so. sighs. her words and actions are greatly looked down by me now. sighs. i dunno wad i've got more to sae abt this fren.
hmmmmms. had my braces colour changed to GREEEN. i think it's those kinda luminous kind. not those that glow but those brighter ones. =)) having terrible menstrual cramps. =((

mood swings. deep thoughts. unhappy events. leave me alone please.

ending weekends! =(

2007-04-08T09:52:00.000+08:00

hmmmm. it's 9.52am on a sunday morning which i couldnt sleep in more. which is so, RARE. anyway. i guess i slept enough yst. =)) had dinner at no signboard seafood at vivo last night. ate chilli crabs. and the chilli was REALLY hot. bud i ate quite a lot. i'm praying that i wunt fall sick cuz i ate too spicy. =X came back.. watch tv.. den came online. urms. had a talk with jl. hmmm. though i did cleared wad i wanted to know. bud i was still kinda surprised. hmmm. nvm. i'm not pretty sure wad i wanna sae abt that.. so ill jus leave it. oh man! the long weekend is going to end so sooooon! =(( sch's tml. AM I PREPARED FOR IT???? hais. i better get back to my books sooooon! =((okay! that's all for now. shall blog if i haf sth to sae ltr. hahas. =))

we'll just leave it to fate. =))

OH SHUT UP

2007-04-07T14:55:00.000+08:00

i'm P-M-S-ING
i feel so grey now. i'm so stressed up. i shout at anyone everyone who talks to me. i cant think well. oh.
FUCK OFF MAN!

pardon me for my use of vulgaritites. i blame myself. i need to talk. i need to play. i need to relax. i dunno wad i wan.

star grazeee

2007-04-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

24 hours ago i was already sleeping. 12 hours ago, i tried to sleep bud couldnt sleep. anws! found my new classmate online(newly added) - he's khai nam, transferred into our sch this term from SAJC. urms. had a chat with him online. nth special. den was feeling super tired. so went to sleep. this morning, dad woke me up. had breakfast with family den headed home. slack around den went to sleep since i was only meeting jl at arnd 4. woke up a couple of times(think i'm really suffering from insomia) den gave up sleeping. decided to meet him earlier. bathed and changed den he msg me sae cannot, he can only meet at 4. -.-! den slowly do my things. den went to meet him at 4 lo. urms. went lavender to buy his army stuff, den went down to cathay orchard to watch nada sou sou. I WAS SO HAPPY CUZ I COULD WATCH THAT SHOW. den tickets were sold out! headed down to plaza sing immediately. by the time we reached the counter, there was only left with O-N-E seat! damns! =(( i was so sad la! grrrr. anyway. we went back jurong east to eat kobayashi. =)) yumms. den went to west coast. i was super tired after all the walking so we decided to lie on chairs left over by this pple who probably had an event earlier on. there were really alot and very bright stars. chatted and listen to player. i like the serenity. (though it was filled with lots of children's screams and laughter.) bud i think it was when the moon started to rise when the stars started to fade away. =(( we left there abt 11.30. took a bus to je and cabbed home. am feeling tired. tml sao mu at 5. nono. leave house at 5. GODDDD. I NEED TO SLEEP! =((

it was nice. the outing. the place. the mood. the feeling. bud... i cant fathom some things yet i dare not to question. =/

.exhausted.

2007-04-05T21:10:00.000+08:00

i've not blogged since tues. okay. i was practically either too busy, if not i'm too tired. =(( anyway. i failed my SPA! OMG! so much for studying so hard. sighs. bud i cant blame anyone cuz it's really a pure LAST MINUTE study. oh wells. a touch on this week and i'm going off. super duper tired. =(( nth really special actually. except that this week is really pretty short. esp with the cip day todae. went to tampines old folks home. and i WASHED THE TOILET. hahas. and the HOD that went with us said i said i washed the toilet umpteen times. lols. anyway. had my fun by snapping shots all day long. i think i can consider being a photographer! =)) i'm so tired now. gosh. i've been losing sleep this two days. =(( i'm gonna turn in early since i'm so bored and i dun wanna study. =(( sighs. why no one to talk or play with me! =(( BOOOOOS!

stressed out

2007-04-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

edited 2327 - i'm doing the same thing again. staring at a blank conversation window of yours. i've been trying to smile these days. letting my mind keep u out all day long. bud.. there are times when i can control myself from thinking about u. how have u been? are u happy with how u are now? did u think of me? or.. am i totally out of ur mind? wad is on ur mind? sighs. how i wish....
____________________________________
I WAS TOTALLY STRESSED OUT TODAY. and i almost wanted to shout at anyone whom i saw or spoke to. i'm sorry to any of u gurls if i threw my temper on u. (esp. hannah). -besides, my period's round the corner. =(( anyways. tml's SPA mock is definitely gonna be a SURE FAIL case for me. =(( cuz i've not being able to catch up. and worst was that, SPA is the only thing that i could really do well for my physics. and yet i couldnt even do much. sighs. hope my last minute studying would help. loiter at the stadium after sch awhile. cuz i was afraid, do u call it afraid?, to walk out of the school and cross the road myself. hahas. so i waited for huian sukmun shiqi and laura to cross with me since they were going mac. =)) i noe i'm very dependent and i cant be left alone. =) anyway.. came back den i chiong-ed my SPA. den went for tuition(ah boy). sighs. i'm really almost giving up. ask him to do oral for chinese..(u noe those which u see pic den sae things?) den there's this pic which shows.. two girls playing badminton. den he said they were playing badminton. AND THAT they were doing a low ball. -.-! i was stumped! i din noe how to stop him. it was kinda right! cuz one of the girl's racket was facing the floor. hais. i almost exploded while teaching him maths too. luckily he knew my temper and became good - FOR A WHILE. =.= jus had dinner. POOR ME RIGHTT. hahs. gonna continue my SPA. wish me luck for the mock test tml! =))

start doing ur hw!

2007-04-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

i'm being bad and naughty. i haven done any hw i'm supposed to do. i really dun haf the mood to do so. i really tried sitting dow and doing it. bud i dunno how to do! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. sighs. I WILL DO IT AT SCH TML. and ask if there's a need to. audrey audrey. u gotta start studying! =((
yawns. this week's gonna be a short and relaxed. especially with NO LESSONS on thurs. so it'll be only until WED! cheeros schhooool! wahahas. a date this friday to star graze. am i going to go. =/
i'm happy with life this way. i've got no restrictions. i'm free to do anything i wan. bud is this wad i always wanted? smile! =))

illusions

2007-04-02T16:56:00.000+08:00

it turned out to be all that i've been hoping for were just illusions that i had created to console myself and for me to possess the strength to move on. i've always thought that a break up could just be a break for him for him. and that within this short period of time, he would realise that he still love me and miss me and that he would find his way back to me. i was so wrong. it was just the beautiful illusions that i've created for myself. yet not something he wanted. he was gone the day we broke up. the route which led to no return. he had broken free from it and that is wad he wanted. i guess, its time i wake up and move on..

wonderful rainy sunday morning

2007-04-01T12:28:00.000+08:00

i'm back from sao mu in the morning. it was such a wonderful and beautiful rainy morning which i could have slept through. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. this year is kinda different. my two sis in law went along too. =)) shall skip the details.. urms. had breakfast at teban.. den headed home. played a few rounds of mahjong jus now also. feeling sleepy now. =(( seems like granny's condition aint getting well, though she seem physically well. sighs. wonder wad would be the best for her. now the adults' worries aint abt granny passing on. bud how is grandad going to take it. he loved her so much. hais. think we are going down to see her again ltr. i've got tons of hw piling up. and i really need to do sth. OH GOD. hais. shall go sleep a while, den get my hw done. might skip visiting grandma ltr. see how ba. hope to spend more time with her though. =/
god bless.

granny

2007-03-31T21:57:00.000+08:00

edited_2334

just remembered something very very important! oh well. it may not be to anyone. bud it is fer me. =) I WANNA CATCH THE MOVIE : shrek the third, WHEN IT'S OUT. hehs. saw the thriller in the cinema todae. and i guess, i was really all excited abt it. and when i checked jus now, it kinda made me a bit disappointed. cuz it's only released on 31 may. =/ anyway. saw this movie ad online, nada sou sou. seems like a very nice show. wondering if i shld grab someone to catch it with me this week. i've lost touch with movies. i forgot when was it that i was really happy being out - movie or shopping, already. and i'm feeling so lonely now. wanna msg him. bud i dunno wad to msg abt. sighs. wanna do my hw bud i'm feeling so tired. guess i'll turn in early todae. since i'm going to 'shao fen' tml morning. the weekend's gonna be over in a twinkle of an eye. am i prepared to face a brand new hectic week? i hope i am. where's everyone? no one's online to talk to me. i'm so bored and lonely. save me! =((

.......................................................

the whole day was spent out since 8.30 in the morning.
aunt had called over to sae that grandma aint feeling well. when we arrived there, she was argueing with the maids, insisting she wanna sleep at the "bed" on the wall- when there wasnt any at all. ( it was either next door, if not thru the wall.) it spooked mum and me out. scared us completely. i felt really scared so i went to the children's room. mum finally managed to talk her round by asking her to lie on the sofa in the hall. den ltr on, we found out that grandma and aunt and the whole family din sleep well last night cuz granny was busy "catching those things". almost half of e whole family came down to see her. we left abt 12 plus when i met jl for the movie. urms. felt kinda weird at first. cuz din haf alot of things to sae. den we went arcade. made me remind of benson. den somemore he played the bball game. hahs. that was the first game i had played with benson at the arcade( same one also). bud anyway, the movie wasnt really nice. den accompanied him to imm to find his music player. den my bro came to pick us cz they were going down to visit granny and he was going to cck.
went over to granny place again. this time, she was better already. den when we were abt to leave, she started catching those stuff again. den everyone gt so worried. dad came down also. den after a while, things became better den we went for dinner.
hope she's going to be fine. =/

rain drops

2007-03-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

edited 2336
i felt the stress. i din know why. i couldnt find an answer to what i wanted to know. in fact, i din know wad i wanted to know. i dunno why also, that a talk with him would make me so down. is it the person that is talking to me? or is it the topic which we were talking abt? i dunno why i felt as if, i ran through the time since 3 years back. and everything just came back to me. from the time me and jl got close, we got together, the time spent together, we had our o lvls, working together, getting our o lvl results, den into different institutions of studies, den we drifted apart, the break ups we had, and the eventual break up, the lonely period, the meeting of benson, knowing him, being with him, the happy times, den the break up. it was a long 3 years. yet it could be summarised within a paragraph. till now, i dunno wad i've got. it seemed like i've been going round and round. searching for something which seemed to be so important to me that whenever it came into my hands, it would slipped away eventually. all of a sudden, i din feel like meeting him. bud i've already promised him. wad's wrong with me. why do i feel so weak all of a sudden? why does it seem like, i'm so affected? why cant i fathom wad i really want and need..
_______________________________________
as i watched the rain drops fell onto the roads while on my way home todae, i din know why bud i felt a sense of happiness and joy. i've always like the rain. especially when i'm feeling down. it jus gives me a kind of consolence. =))
the weekend is here. i'm enjoying every second of it now. it's a good time for me to recharge myself. i'm learning to let go. cuz i cant find any other ways or reasons to stay on. because my definition of love- to give the person i love happiness myself, will not work in this case. i cant be selfish. i have to move on. besides, i love it being this way. at least.. i'm more free to do anything i wan. =))

a good breakk

2007-03-27T21:26:00.000+08:00

i'm physically vey tired. and i guess.. my mental is really pushing me to go forward which is more energy consuming. i really need a good break. things jus arent happening at the right time. i'm not sure if i'm putting a strong front of others, or i'm really okay. in the day.. at sch, or with the girls, i'll be so quite alright. at least,i'm not thinking of him. (okay, maybe jus once in a while. bud not that affecting me). bud when it's quiet in the night.. i'll think of him so much that i can cry. i keep asking wad happened. wad was it that i did wrong. yet.. i couldnt find an answer. no, maybe i already had an answer. bud i jus din wan to accept it. questions like.. did he think of me? did he miss me? was he unhappy? is he okay? does he need to go to work? anything everything.. it jus ran through my mind a thousand million times a day. am i being too sensitive? or he's really avoiding me? why did he go offline right immediately after i talked to him online? did he block me? or did he really go offlne? i'm so tired now. he would always bring me out to let me relax when i was stressed up. bud now.. i'm more stressed up without him. i'm tired.. i neeed a good break...

it's all over..

2007-03-26T22:08:00.000+08:00

it was long and complicated. i dun feel like penning down everything now. i jus noe that.. it's all over. there's no turning back. and i have to continue the road myself. well oh well. i jus have to get used to it. lots of hw to complete and test tml! shall see if i still have the energy to blog more ltr. i doubt i'll have it. hehs.
anyway.. some thoughts to some pple..
sukmun hannah huian: thanx for the "neoprint" photo session we had. though i wanted the REAL neoprint, bud we ended up using our phone cam to take as many as close to a hundred pics, i was glad and happy at that time. for i noe that all of u have gave in to ensure that i could feel the best i could.
hannah: i've got this feelng that u are feeling bad cuz of the breakup btw me and benson and that it had caused me quite a lot of pain and tears. indeed, at that point of time, i did regret why i had to choose such a tough path which i knew right from the start that it would never be easier than any paths. yet it was one of the best memories i've had. it was a fairytale, like u had once named it. it is, a fairytale, that will never exist. and fairytales always have an ending. he had loved me all he could once. and true enough, it fulfilled wad he had said before. "ceng jing yong you". so, dun feel bad my dear. u've done ur best in giving me the best. and i noe, u are still trying to give me the best. thanx alot.
michelle: i noe that u are someone with the least words and care. and i was touched by one sentence u said todae. "as long as u dun get hurt again can le". i get wad u mean and i can feel it. u shld be able to understand me, thanx a million. i'll keep it dear to my heart.
my lovely sisters: though we've somehow to have seem to lost contact. bud i noe that all of u are really pretty worried abt me, constantly checking on me, trying to meet up with me, and msging me or updating urselves abt me. all these are little actions that touch my heart. thanx to xian, that day at kbox, u were so worried that i might cry and u din allow me to sing sad songs, sorry to est for making u worried and thanx for asking me out, yinn, thanx for the testi and making me smile from time to tme, sher, ur advices and ur updating though at a point of time i jus din feel like saying it again, bud i was glad i poured everything out as it made me feel better. and lastly, WEITING, YOU'VE GONE MIA! hahas. u noe i break up with him anot? aiya. u sure noe. the gurls wld have told u. hahas. thx again sistas!
benson: not pretty sure if u wld read this, bud.. i wanna apologise firstly for my vulgarities said to you on i think.. 2 to 3 times.. i really cried very hard. i tried very hard too. i dunno wad to sae.. bud i understand that we've to give up. if breaking up is really wad u wan, i'll set u free. cuz i believe u wld be happier with someone else. this half a year with u was definitely a sweet road i've walked. u treated me like a real lil' princess and spoilt me in every any way u could. bud i guess, u must have been tired after this journey. it's time u let go of this burden. i hope i can smile at you when i see u the next time, and talk to u like any best buddy i have. thanx alot.

no more msges received in the early morning when i wake up.
no more piggybacks for me.
no more soft toys taken from the arcades.
no more little princess tantrums.
no one to msg me during late and lonely nights.
no one to keep me company whenever i'm bored and down.
no one to keep me company during thunderstorms at night.

i'll keep these memories close to my heart. for it's once that i treasured most. thanx my dear. goodbye for now. till the next time i see u, i shall stay strong and move on with life.

i'm sorry

2007-03-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

i dunno who to look for. i jus need someone who could really make me feel better. no. i jus wanted him to say sorry and reject the break up.. bud i guess, him not replying would means he agree. it was a painful decision i had to make since he couldnt make up his mind. i should have know that he din love me deep enough. for i believe, no guys would want the girl he love most to shed any tear or even.. be heartbroken. i dunno. i dunno how is he taking it. will he cry? will he be sad? will he.. regret his actions? will he realise that the one he really love is me? true enough, i dunno him deep enough. we had probably started too early. i feel weak. all over. not even the strength to tell anyone that i've broken up.
my mind's in a whirl now. i'm not perfect. and i noe that i've tried my best. let him go, set him free. both of u have tried ur best. he had tried giving u the best his could. yet u've been trying to make him as happy as u could. i noe. i hope he noes too. i'm sorry. i couldnt hold on anymore. i'm sorry...

2007-03-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

i miss u

did u think of me too?

out of place

2007-03-23T19:35:00.000+08:00

i felt. out of place. cuz my frens never had asked me not to go home when i jus quarreled with them. they were. opposite from my sistas. at that time, i felt so weird. bud that wasnt the point. my eyes felt sour. teary. bud i guess. i managed to keep them back. i felt. ashamed. cuz i'm 19. yet i've no freedom. i felt stupid. hurrying everyone when u're playing mahjong. worst. i felt lost. it's the second time my mum had called benson to look for me. the first time i stayed back at sch to do pw. and i din tell her. that time, i forgot. did he call.. or msg me telling my mum called him to look for my whereabouts. think it was msg. and he asked me. u din tell ur mum u stay back at sch do project? den i called her back. this time. it's different. he called me. and sounded so angry and fierce. he.. demanded me to tell him where i was. den he said my mum called him. i felt so sad and angry at that time. sad cuz.. its jus within a few months. yet the way he treated me.. was so different. i was angry cuz.. of my mum. come to think of it.. it's really rather sad that my own mum doesnt even noe that i'm on rocks with my boyfren. so sad. i really feel like crying. dun wanna stay at home. i jus.. dunno wad to do.
i read thru the msn conversation i had with him last time online. den i tot back to how i noe him. sms him. den meet him for the first time. den meeting him after my tuition at nus. den and den. and the list goes on. bud as i tot nearer.. i wondered why we became how we are now. lost. and it's dying. is this game going to be over? i remembered telling myself, i'm not going to give up so easily. bud why do i feel so tired and i dun haf the motivation to make things work out? it's saturday tml. the week's going to end. wad will be the outcome? i dunno. am i prepared for the worst? how will i react if it's sth which i'm afraid that would happen? wad am i going to do. i dunno. i really don.

2007-03-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

i din noe why did my tears fell like a heavy downpour when i told michelle about wad happened. yes. i told her. my boyfren finally answered my question- if he still love me. and his answer was.. sometimes yes, sometimes no. at that moment, i din noe wad to do, how to react to it. my boyfren actually said that he sometimes din love me. i dunno. even at the thought of it now makes my eyes watery. i dunno wad to do. i've tried all means and ways towards him. the hard way. and the gentle one. neither worked. i'm at a loss of wad to do. tell me, someone.
my mind is in a mess. i cant concentrate on my hw. i cant concentrate in class. wadexactly happened? i dunno. why the sudden change when we were still so fine that dae? wad happened? did i sae sth wrong? did i do sth wrong? tell me will u, my dear. i hope u'll be back to my side. bud i'll let u go, if u yearn for the freedom u used to have. cuz.. i jus wan the best for u...

i love u, benson. i really do.

how long will we remain as 'we'

2007-03-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

ever tot of the boyfren u have now, or maybe, the next one that u'll have - if u're single now, would be ur future husband? i've always thought it's ju being too far away to think about having ur boyfren as ur husband. as in, start to plan about having a husband, wad kind of guy u wan and so on.. until todae, den i realised that i was just being so wrong. indeed, when i'm with my boyfren, or maybe, when i'm single, looking for a boyfren, i never took him as my husband. bud why would u be afraid or scared when u are alone without him, and even at the thought of him leaving u? if u are not gonna marry each other, why be afraid of him leaving u? i'm not sure wad's wrong with me on the late. i'm not sure if it's cuz of stress, like wad he saes. maybe, i am. stressed. not over studies or anything else. bud over my relationship. i've got no idea wad's happened to us. we could just quarrel over nth. although.. i've always said that it's still early to determine who's going to be my husband.. bud i realised that.. maybe i'm wrong all along. if he's not going to be my husband.. why would i ever think of being with him for a long long time? how long will we remain as 'we'? have u ever thought of marrying ur boyfren? or another guy but not the boyfren u are with now? i jus wan a future with him. bud wad kind of future do i wan? a future of 5 years? den we break up, only den to find my husband? i dunno wad's wrong with me. ever since that day.. ever since last week.. i've got no more confidence in us. how long more are we going to be together? how much does he love me? i really dun wan to regain my balance here and break down the next minute. wad is it that i wan? wad is it that we lack between us? i noe that he've tried his best to give me the best. and i've also tried. yet.. we are as if.. not having the best from both of us. wad will be of us tml? the day after tml?
sometime, truth is somehing which u should never find out about.
is it true that i'm just a temporary to u? how long will we be together? do u noe how much u mean to me? how much do i mean to u?

2007-03-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

probably this blog is already long forgotten. bud i guess, this blog is still of some use. at least, it can hear me out when i really dunno who to talk to.
i'm really feeling tired. indeed, it's my fault for being so tempermental on wed. flaring up for a reason, though it isnt of much of a problem. bud it's natural that every girl will have their pms periods. and shldnt u jus even understand? after the cry in front of alex and the girls that day, i've thought thru already. i shldnt be asking so much from u. maybe, guys really need some freedom. i've let u free. give u the freedom. and done things which i've nv done before. yet, things are still the same. why give me attitude when i jus wanna stay up to msg u till u get home. i jus dun understand. i've already given in so much. not demanding u to do anything else. wad else do u wan me to do. i've already tried to control myself from crying for two days. bud i'm really tired. i'm really at an end of wad to do now. we are going to meet tml. are we going to be like, now? i'm having second thoughts whether i shld turn up tml. if we were to go and things are still like now. wad are we to do?
my torch is spoilt. is that fate? fate that saes, we're not fated together. u lost the one i gave u. and the new one i bought is spoilt. i feel so weak now. wad have i done to deserve this. am i the problem that every guy finds that i'm not good? do u still care abt me? do u still love me? did i do sth wrong? wad's the problem with me. with you. with us?

LAZY PIG

2007-02-23T20:58:00.000+08:00

i've lost touch with blogging and i thought i'm being super lazy. so i'm back to bloggin.
hahs. sch's have been tiring. i'm having not enough of sleep EVERYDAY. =(( hmmm. stuff too long ago are forgotten. let me jus blog about the recent cny. first day of cny.. had house visiting to everyone's place. hmmm. reached home about 10 pluS? hahs. 2nd day.. only went to my big uncle's place.. cuz the rest of my mom's relatives were coming to my place for dinner. so we stayed home to prepare dinner for everyone. =)) 3rd day.. benson came over to my place to bainian to my mum.. den we went his place bainian to his dad. lols. den we met up with jude and hannah at yishun to play mahjong at his place. hmmm. his house is exactly the same as my aunt's old house. hahs. and he's house is although small.. bud it's cosy. =)) for the game, i won about 6 plus, after losing 3 plus. hahs. it was jus BEGINNER'S LUCK. anyway. played cards den me and dear went home. catch ghost rider with dear after sch.. i went to his place to slack a bit first. den we went je watch den go home. thursday.. i had floorball training for like dunno how long ago. hahs. it was tiring. bud i really like the feeling of having a goood time sweating it all out. =)) todae.. had 2.4 and was so superly tired. came straight home den sleep. =)) hahs. let me rest a bit more. 9 o clock show is here! let's go watch!=))

MIA queen

2007-01-18T17:17:00.000+08:00

had MIA-ed for quite a long time i guess. hahs. either too busy or tired with sch. hmmm. ct is round the corners. maybe sae.. 2 weeks' time? gotta mug hard now. anyways. parents are outta town since tues. home alone day 3 todae. come to think of it. it can be quite sad to be all alone at home. =(( settle my meals with porridge as i jus had my tightening on tues night. it still hurts. and i've been drinking cereal drinks at sch for meals since i couldnt bite. poor me. ben came over to my place last night. had dinner.. did my project and went to bed. went to sch with him this morning. hmmm. i jus read a fren's blog. hmmm. den i suddenly thought back.. =X anyway. this week is quite nice. sunshine after rain for a few matters. i'm glad things are fine. hmmm. i got to go mugg. i haven mug seriously recently. scold me! =( my legs are aching due to the 2.4 run that dae. i'm glad i finished the whole run cuz some pple din finish. at least i pass within the timing. i wanna play. will u spare me some time? i wanna go shopping. will u put down ur work and go shopping with me? i am bored and lonely all by myself at home. will u take me out and keep my company? i am petty and selfish. i dun like u to be so close with other gurls. brainwash me please.

back at SCHOOOOOOL!

2007-01-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

i've not been blogging for a loooooong loooooong loooooooong time. hehs.
sch's reopen. and i am late for sch! -.- was supposed to meet michelle at bb at 7.30. guess wad? i only woke up when she msged me at 7.23. grrrrr. rushed like hell. bud luckily dad sent me to sch. =)) was on time.
sch's not that really good and not that really bad afterall.
i'm not used to seeing so many pple at 8 in the morning.
i'm always still in my dreamland around 9 plus.
the school is so super big. much much much bigger than the old one, AT LEAST.
the food is so super ex- a bento set costs 3.80. -.-(wonder how i can save money and survive at the same time. =(( )
there are soooo many pple at sch. everywhere's PPLE!
we've got a new home tutor. no, i think many are changed. =((
bud..
it was nice not rotting at home anymore.
there are two new classmates, jer-aff (i dunno how to spell) and david. this david is from ijc too. i suspect he noes junlinag since he noes one of jl's fren. =/ bud anyway, i'm not going to let him noe abt me and jl if there's a no need. =)) i dun think i'll ever talk about him? hmmm. wadeva.

alright.. i got to go. dun wanna be late and sleepy at sch tml. i need more money and i need more time. grrrrrr. and, more sleep. =))

cheeross to a new year! let this be a new start and a new beginning.
-it's a good ending for a good year to begin with-

-.-' wad am i talking about.........

christmas' cominggg

2006-12-24T01:20:00.000+08:00

just came back from my bro's place. had a small party. lots of food. and of cuz, my favourite log cake! =)) it wasnt fun. sighs. not pretty sure why. probably also cuz he couldnt join the last min due to his work. nvms. dun think i'll enjoy this year's christmas. sighs. dun feel like thinking of why. =/
anyways. it was FUN. hahas. it was the first time i went to a bar plus with the girls. =)) the dinner at i forgot where. hehs. and all of u being so concerned abt me being unable to chew. and xian for sharing food with me and eating the hard stuff fer me. the rushing of train. the walk along orchard. the cold and freezing room. the long waits for a shower. the opening of the presents. the sleepy and quiet mode everyone fell into when we did nth. the crazy jumping arounds with the winnie the pooh and soft toy. the POLAR BEAR. the lies and i'm-innocent!. and the falling asleep of our lil' shermain in the end. and the chats with yinn and ting. and and and. the photo taking the whole night. =)) thanx sweetie pies. =)) love u gurls.
since i last saw u on thurs.. we haven had time to talk anymore. cuz of ur new job. i'm glad that u've found a job. at least u could spend ur time earning some money and gaining some experience. bud the time u haf for me in total is probably jus less than an hour for the whole dae. u wld rush in the morning to go to work. no time to msg. den u work. all the more u cant msg. though u try to reply once in a while. after work. u wld be rushing to bath and eat ur dinner. den when u jus haf time to talk on the phone a while, u'll be dozing off most of the time.bud wad can i sae now. u dun even haf the time to listen to me complain or whine. to hear me tell u abt my day. i miss u.

my whole braces!

2006-12-20T15:44:00.001+08:00

went for the whole braces yst. was late. and it was raining also. wad's worst was i fell down when i board the bus. damn bus driver. drove off when i jus boarded. and the floor was so slippery due to the rain. *grumbles* anyway. after the braces was on, felt really uncomfortable. and pain. cuz of the tightening of the front tooth. sighs. another two weeks of porridge meals? =(( bud sth i like the braces alot is that it's PURPLE in colour! =D went to his place. slacked abit. den he cooked porridge fer me. hahas. i am the PATIENT! lols. eat le den i started to do michelle's bday present. spent the WHOLE afternoon doing it. was so happy when i finally finished it around 7. and it dropped onto the floor when i was about to go home. and it B-R-O-K-E! i was... speechless. sighs. i haf to give her a belated present this time round. cuz i really have no money to buy her a new one. =(( den i went home MYSELF. that lazy pig din wan to go jurong den go back yewtee. YOU SHALL PAY FOR IT ONE DAY. hahahas.
gonna slack at home and rest todae. meeting the gurls tml. =D bud i cant eat. WTH! sighs. wad can i say? like he always said. vain la. =.=
sch's reopening soon. and he's found a new job. time for each other would be lesser. =(( i'll miss u.
thanx for your TLC porridge. love ya loads=))

my whole braces!

2006-12-20T15:44:00.000+08:00

money money where are u

2006-12-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

oh godddd! save me PLEASEEEEE!
i'm turning mouldy by rotting at home everyday now! saveeee meeee...
lols. okay. my grandparents have been here fer a week. a whole weeek. and i'm jus counting down to the days my uncle and aunt's going to come back so they'l fetch them back. =/ i sound kinda MEAN. bud i dun have the meaning of not allowing them to stay la. cuz my mum's having MORE reasons for me to stay home to watch ah gong. =(( bud i'm rotting at homeeee. grrrrrrs. bud i'm also super broke now la. so also cannot really go out lo.. arhhhh... i need some money please. hmmmm. gimme some ways to get some money PLEASEEE....
hehs.
shopping tml. anyone?

KILL ME

2006-12-15T12:35:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO GO OUT! I'VE BEEN STUCKED AT HOME FOR DAYS!
=((
had another two tooth extraction on wed. he accompanied me and my dad came to pick me home. it was more painful than the other time. =(( rot at home since saturdae. and i jus wan to go out. had a quarrel with him last night. shall not elaborate. the thought of it makes me think and imagine more. and worst. FORGET IT. wad's the point.
ARHHHHH. I'M BORED.

save me, if not jus kill me. PLEASE.

baby girl and boy

2006-12-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

ARENT THEY BEAUTIFUL?!
hahas. todae i went his place cuz his mum was dying his hair fer him. lols. den his mum din dye properly den turn out very funny. LOLS. anyway, we slack arnd.. den we went to yewtee there eat. and of cuz, i ate porridge AGAIN. =(( den we went jp to walk arnd. hehs. urms.. we walked till really nth to walk le.. den went toyrus to "play".. bud we ended up doing that two little thing above. hhas. make a guess who made which one? but they are both so cute. and also. when we were doing, this two lil' kids came to talk to us. kept asking us wad's our name. den benn told the boy that his name was MONSTER and the boy luff out loud. lols. yea.. den we went home lo. =))
arhhh. my mouth still HURT. =((tml still got bbq. sad life. cannot eat AT ALL. =(( maybe shld suggest to ben to bring a blender. den blend all the food into juice like den i can drink them. lols. bud it's going to be super disgusting. hehs.

our SECOND month

2006-12-08T00:13:00.000+08:00

it's our second month todae. bud cuz my mouth's still hurting quite a lot.. we din get to go out. lols. bud he came over. hahas. urm.. he went jp and bought me lots of stuff. bought me fresh milk, cereal and a baby toothbrush! lols. it's for my brushing of the inner tooth. =)) and it's so CUTE! =)) den he also bought porridge fer me. den he bought dinner for auntie too. bought fried rice and kopi-o fer her. hahas. and he bought me a star! i've been eyeing that star for like dunno how long. =)) I LURVE IT. hmmm. den he bought all the things, took a bus and met me downstairs my house. =)) PLUS FREEE DELIVERY. lols. and my mum saes... she accepts him! =)) wahahas..
going out to meet him tml. to compensate todae. hehs. my mouth's hurting quite a lot. not cuz of the extraction. bud cuz of seperators. and i cant bite onto anything. even the soggy cornflakes! =(( poor me. hais. really wonder how i'm going to survive the braces.
thanx honey! lurve ya lots. =))

tooth extraction!

2006-12-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

i've got lots of things to sae. hehs.
let's start with yst..
hmmm. catch open seasons with benn at jec. they had renovated the cinema. so it's pretty better than the old one. hahs. luckily it's quite a good theatre. cuz benn was saying he wunt step into that cinema again the last time. anyway. we took 98 home from je. it was a super long trip home. 45 mins. and he fell asleep. =X den went home and met my dad downstairs. and i went imm with them.
hmmm. fer todae.. i went dental with mom. and i went fer x ray at clementi after i visited the je one. i'm going back tml for extractions. =(( i'm scaredd... hope it doesnt really hurt a lot. hahas.
he's so busy with his game. and i'm getting annoyed. i just simply DUN LIKE IT AT ALL.
anyway. i saw zhenwei at je todae. i walked past him and he was with his gf. hahs. he din see me though. =)) i'm glad to have saw him. hahas. talked to jl a couple of daes ago. found the conversation meaningless. no. i dunno how to describe it. bud since he's all out to woo that gurl. i wish him all the best. =))

i'm scared. two tooth's gonna be gone tml!!! bless me. =))

fong lee metal outing. hehs.

2006-12-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

i'm sick of that old blog. so i'm going to make this blog known and change to this blog. shall delete that blog soon.
i'm feeling as if i'm floating out at sea. it was nice to be able to enjoy the sea breeze todae. since i wasnt in the best moods. it was MEMORABLE todae. since it's the first outing out to sea for the six sisters though it wasnt really meant for us to PLAY. it was VALUE FOR MONEY. lols. any link? hehs. anyway. we were kept kinda busy to keep taking photos. =)) i think it's sth the six of us like to do. we are always snatching to take photos. of cuz, we took photos for ourselves. hahs. remember when those pple came forward and wanted to pose to take a pic with us and we jus sae nono, and walked away? hahas. is that call, CAMERA SHY? lols. er.. we were all tired. and realise sth? we all did not get to stay at the upper deck to watch the sunset when we were all quarelling over it before we board the boat. nono. lecturer shermain saes it's a passenger vessel. hehs. xian's dad drove us home. thanx alot! =))
really not in the mood for anything. it's been a long long time since i last wanted to run away from home. i really wanna run away. i dun wanna stay at home. i'd rather i have to work. i'd rather i'm really busy. i feel like crying. i feel like running away.
thanx xian for inviting us! it had a different feeling for me. cuz at least, i could get away from everything.
shall blog more often. *promise*

2006-11-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since i last blog. and i doubt he will come visit the blog. i've been feeling out of place recently. feeling as if, we dun seem to fit. i dunno wad's wrong. i dunno if it's jealousy when i meet his mac frens. and in fact, they were all ladies. i dunno why. bud i'm just feeling as if, he dun care as much as in the past. we dun seem to be as close. he dun seem to haf time for me. he's working. we are like so different. he has all the freedom he wans. stay out the whole night. go out in the late night. so awake in the night. always out with his frens. bud i'm so different. i dunno. i feel so. it's just the beginning and i'm feeling this shit. wad's wrong with me. yet i dunno how to tell him. wad shld i tell him? i feel as though we dun fit each other? or i dun like the way u do ur things. bud that's him. wad more u wan me to do? i dunno. feeling so out of place. i dunno wad is right and wad is wrong.

2006-11-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

dear diary. i dunno wad's wrong with me. i dunno why i became so angry. so so so angry. i was really very happy when i thought that he could work tml. den we could meet. bud when he saes that he is working at mac tml. i flared up like i dunno wad happened. i was really very angry. he seem to have forgotten that he still had his exams. dear diary. wad should i do? he is so heavily burden financially. how can i help him? am i giving him alot of pressure when i spend so much? he needs money when he go to sch, when he eat and when he goes out. i really dunno wad i should do. tell me wad i should do.

7/11/2006

2006-11-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

its our first month. =))
i had wanted to sms him on 7/11/06 at 12.16am. bud i fell asleep. =(( bud anyway. after sch, i took 66 to je to buy him the fish and chips. den i took a cab down to his place. cuz i was afraid the food would turn cold. i din buy my share cuz i was kinda broke. hehs. den we ate, share la. den play a bit of game. den it rained. so i wanted to go home. before that, i deleted the folder of my pics and his favs of my blogs. cuz i saw HER photos. i was really unhappy. i couldnt even smile. cant even fake it. den after that, i went home. it was raining and he accompanied me to the station. den we played in the rain. hehs. =D was splashing water at each other. i really enjoyed myself. why is it that he can bring my spirits so high up and make me not even wan to smile at all? hmmm. we shopped arnd the station and i went home.
jus a few mins before 7/11/2006.. i was still thinking that, if me and him hadnt broke up, we wld have been together for 3 years. den, he msged me," a few more mins to the end of 7/11/2006" bud i jus replied a smile and asked abt his exams. the feeling was so weird when i saw his name on the msg. he? he actually remembered? bud i guess it's just too late. i cant take back my heart. my heart's locked up with dino. bud neither do i wan to take away. wad's meant to be would be meant to be. he can only blame himself.
it's a short month. i dunno why. bud it seems like just a few daes back. hmmm. i wanna change. i dun wanna be so petty. bud i just cant seem to change. it's not nice to not have the special day feeling todae. it just seems normal. if i noe earlier, i dun agree so fast. wait til after his exams den agree. =(( humphs!
i love dar. happy first month. =))

benson met my mum!

2006-11-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

i'm not really sure why i'm so happy tonight. bud i guess, it's mostly cuz he came over to my place todae and my mum met him! he's the first guy whom i've formally introduced, and shown to my mum for no forceful reasons, (like last time jl had to met her cuz we had tuition together). and he had a really GOOD talk with her. hahs. poor him wanted to play game bud super nice aunty talk and talk and talk. my room's in a mess. hope it wunt scare him away. oh. and he's my FIRST boyfriend who had came to my house before. =)) he was also the first guy whom i've gone to pray at a temple with. hmmm. anyway. i bathed and changed and make up and stuff. den we went out. hahs. we were supposed to meet chew ming they al at esplanade. bud the both of us got lost at suntec city. so we were late. hahas. we met them at the adidas shop instead. =) den we had dinner and walked back instead. went lot 1 to play arcade. hahas. er. just follow them ba. hahs. hahs. den i play the elephant game.nono. the shoot shoot game. nono. i dunno wad game la. den i won him! by 2 points! wahahas. =)) den we took a cab back and he went home. =))
he's the first boyfren whom i've did so many things with. i'm not sure by letting my parents noe him, to the extent of having his hp number, would be a good or bad thing. i hope it'll be good. cuz it'll mean that we'll last longer. urm. bad would be, if we break and things gets nasty and stuff. i wouldnt wan to see that happening. bud.. i love him.

i love him. love him. love him lots.

i wanna get him sth. bud it's similar to jl's. shld i get him that? or shld i get him sth else? hmmmmm.....

i love him.

2006-10-22T02:12:00.000+08:00

i dunno why bud i jus cried. i turned away. i'm so afraid of letting him noe that i cried actually. i was so stupid. so silly. i jus din noe why did i cry. bud in my mind.. i was so afraid that he would leave me one dae. though he said before.. cheng jin yong you is enuff.. bud i'm greedy. i dun wan cheng jin yong you only. i wanted more than that. i dunno how long we'll last. 1 month, 2 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years.. i dunno. i'm always taking myself to compare with HER. i dunno why. i'm afraid that i'll be worst than her. i dunno how to be a good girlfriend. he might always think that i'm comparing. bud i never compared him with another guy. cuz i find him jus too good. i was so afraid that no one would be there to pick me from sch anymore. no one to talk to me on the phone. no one to teach me new games. no one to hold my hand. no one to put my head on his shoulders when i'm tired. no one to play with me. there's so many things that he's done. that i'm so afraid that i'll be so reliant on him. and that i cannot live without him one dae. wad if.. he leaves me. wad if.. he likes another girl. wad if.. he doesnt love me anymore. wad if.. all the wad ifs come into my mind. wad if.. i've fallen for him so deep so deep. i've given so much into this relationship and that.. it ends up nothing... i dunno. and i jus cried like this. right in front of him. when he's looking. at that time.. i jus wished that time could stop. his gentle eyes. the way he looked at me. it felt as if.. in his eyes.. there was only me. me and no one else. sighs. dino.. do u noe how much i've fallen for u? u are the first guy whom i've cried so much when it's still our "honeymoon" period. i dunno wad to do with the things jl gave me. maybe those stuff.. like the watch and others.. i'll keep it. the letters? return to jl? or jus throw them? or... i dunno. bud my heart felt sour and out of place when i saw his and HER pic in his drawer.. so nicely kept. and when he asked if there's a need to throw it away.. i din noe how to answer him. =/ hmmmm. i love dino. i love him. i love him lots.

she's unhappy.

2006-10-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

dino doesnt like her to be unhappy. bud she has been very unhappy lately. she doesnt wan him to worry abt her. she wans him to concentrate on his studies. she wans the best for her. she feels not worthy for him. she throws unreasonable tantrums on him for nth. she shouts at him for nth. she doesnt listen to him. there are so many bad things abt her. she trusts pple too easily. she doesnt noe how to differentiate who's good and bad. she's so dumb. she's worst than a little kid. she doesnt noe how to smile. she lost her best friend. she lost the understanding her frens haf for her. she doesnt like to be misudnerstood. she doesnt like to be accused of doing things she never did.she wans to cry. she cried. she tear. bud she is still feeling unhappy. dino dino. will u noe how's she feeling? dino dino. will u cheer her up? she's breaking down. bring her out to unwind. she needs a little more care and understanding. she's lost. hold her hand tight and bring her out of where she's lost. and nv leave her. cuz she loves u.

benjamin's bdae bbq

2006-10-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

dear bloggie
i'm tired yet happy todae. left my house arnd 3.30 to go down to cck to meet dar.. hahas. he's LATE again. =( bud anyway. we went to develop our pictures.. went up and down lot 1 to find and buy his fren, benjamin's, bdae present. hahas. its the second time we are walking arnd in a supermarket. so fun. hahas. den we walked arnd lot 1. actually, i forgot why we walked arnd.. hmmm. think is find han and jude present la. hahs. wadeva! anyway.. after we bought all the stuff, we went to his place by bus. =) i noe of another way to his place! =)) this time, his second bro and gf was at home. so which means, i've seen ALL OF THEM ALREADY. his mum and dad was at home too. hahs. anyway. we did the box, put in all the sweets, did the card, den use his com for sth for a while den went off to meet jude and hannah. hahs. we collected our pics. hahas. so nice! we laminated them tooo. =D anyway. we went to the fren, benjamin's house la.. er. felt very uncomfortable. cuz.. maybe i'm very stranger ba. hahs. den me and hannah and jude and ben played racing. the guys piggy-back the girls. den run. hahs. i luff until cannot make it la.. hahahs. den ltr on.. we went to lot 1 the pasa malam den go buy all the junk food. den settled down beside this condo and jus ate by the pathway. lols. felt so poor thing. bud i nv tried that before. and it feels good. hahs. er. den we eat le we went to play bumper car. ahahs. so fun cann. bump until jerk like dunno wad. hahs. den after one round.. they started to close. so we went home le lo.. dar send me back home. hahas. =))
love dar. love dardar. love love love dardardar. =))))

princess loves her knight deeply.

2006-10-14T20:09:00.000+08:00

i feel so useless. that's wad i wanted to tell him. bud i'm more afraid of letting him noe and making him more unhppy. i noe that he is feeling down. yet there's nth that i can do to cheer him up. my heart feels so pain when i noe that he is feeling so down bud yet there's nth that i can do. aint i useless? call myself his girlfriend. yet i cant even make him happy. stupid audrey!
yst was the first time i went to his house. i'm so happy. cuz i made him wear his sch uniform and his mac uniform. had a good luff. =X and he cooked for me! bud i was bullied! he din allow me to go home! =( and den, his dad came home. den his mum came home. =/ arhhhhh..... my heart almost poped out when he said, my dad is coming back le. =( grrrrrrrrrrr. den he made me so unhappy. no. maybe.. it was me who was being petty. he said his girl-friend was pretty. and he emphasized so much on it! den i became jealous and became unhappy for some time. bud dumb and blur him dunno! =( hais. den when he noe ler, he also dunno how to hong pple. grrrrrrrrrr. bud anyway.. he studied a bit. den we transfer songs and games over to my com. er.. den we slack here and there den it was already 8! so we went to his place there de food court eat.. den eat ler.. i also dunno why la.. having headache. maybe cuz of the new contacts that's not really used to it yet.. so i took a cab home.. hmmmm.. he admited to his mum that i'm his girlfren. *shys* grrrrr. make me so paiseh only. bud while feeling paiseh.. i felt a little happiness. the little happiness is like.. he make u recognised. he wans and made you known to his parents. it's not jus his frens. not his brothers. bud his parents. i also dunno. bud i jus felt very happy. =))
i'm loving him so much tat i've lost myself. i suddenly dunno how to smile cuz i noe that he is feeling so down. i suddenly feel so lost. i suddenly wan to hug him tight and let him noe that i'm always here for him. i'm always loving him. and i always want him to be happy.
dar.. you are not useless. when u asked me if u are useless, i felt so pain in my heart.. i felt as though i'm so useless, so insignificant. so nothing in this world cuz i cant do anything to make u happy.
dar.. i love you.

i love benn

2006-10-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

dear diary.
i'm feeling happy and excited now. bud of course, tired too.
i'm so happy todae cuz me and han found out that it was our first movie together. and she was jus sitting next to me! bud anyway. i really like her alot. bud i'm always feeling that i am not worthy her frenship. cuz she is such a nice girl. yet i cant give her my very best. i'm excited cuz tml's her bdae. i'm not pretty sure how's she feeling right now. is she as happy as like me when it was my bdae? or it's jus like another dae to her? i've tried my very best to make her happy. get jude to do things himself- which she wanted, and get as many pple as posssible to wish her happy birthdae. she said she wanted many pple to wish her. it's jus the same as me! bud anyway. i'm really happy. bud i'm feeling so sorry that i cant give her the present i wanted to give her tml. it's the tot that counts rite? i hope so.
i'm feeling happy todae cuz dar and i walked arnd ps shopping for things leisurely and happily. we are jus like any "newly-weds" that are together. hand in hand, sticking so tightly to each other. =) when we were at carrefour, we bought the maggi, chose the sushi like it's for our dinner! and when we had our dinner at shengsiong there.. we were sharing the food. and living in our own world. den he walked me home. it was always a looooong journey which i dreaded to walk everytime. bud it seemed so short, so enjoyable when it was with him. i enjoyed his company. i enjoyed his warmth and love he gave me. even when i was afraid that going home wld get scoldings from my mum, it din mattered at all. cuz.. it's for him. it's for benson. and it's worthwhile.
dear diary. pls let hannah enjoy her dae tml. hopefully she can, she will promote up to year 3. and me too. we shall promote together. i really love her lots. and of course, i love ben too. =)

unreasonable princess

2006-10-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

i threw my princess tantrum at prince todae. for nth. it was sth. bud it was really a stupid thing. =( i din noe why did i become so angry, den became so sad over it. i'm so afraid that one dae, he will tell me that his game is more important than me. i'm so afraid that one dae, he will sae sth else is more important than me. i noe how hannah feels. it's like, i noe jolly well that i dun wan him to do the thing. bud i jus wan him to do it to prove that i mean so much to him. am i very petty and unreasonable? i'm sorry honey.
.
.
.
.
love u honey. =)

mid autumn celebrations

2006-10-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

there are a thousands of thank yous i wan to tell him and a million of i love you i wanna sae to him.
we've spent half the day together. it was not really long. neither was it short. bud the moments we spent was really treasured.
i dunno wad to sae. i dunno how to start. there are so many things that i wan to sae- all about him. bud i dunno where to start. bud still, i'm going to try to pen down everything.
he worked night shift in the morning. from 2am to am. and he din sleep from 8 to 11 after he got home. cuz he had to make the chocolate jar for me. i was really surprised to receive such a present when he gave it to me. i jus tot that it would be sth normal. bud. this is normal. bud with lots of love and effort put into. the jar. he pasted stickers of words. i love you. and. dino love princess. i was really touched. i din noe wad to sae. a word of thank you is definitely not enough.
he made me feel so much to want to rely on him. not only now. bud forever. he's jus there for me. and he'll do anything for me. we met his frens. i dunno why all of a sudden, audrey would become so shy in front of them. is it cuz of ben? i dunno.
we. walked home. the streets were hazy. the streets were quiet. he held my hand. and i felt a feeling. a feeling of happiness. he is really very tired. i noe that. bud he still insisted that he send me right to my lift. till now.. whenever he looked into my eyes, i'll feel so shy. i'll jus wan to be his. i wan to give him a hug so tight. that we wouldnt let go anymore. cuz i really dunno wad else can i do to show my love, my gratitude, and everything for him. words are jus not enough for me to describe how i feel.
this feeling is called love.
and i'm loving him.
hugsnkisses`
-LEGAL-

07.10.2006

2006-10-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

we've started.07.10.2006, 0016 hours
i dunno how long will this sweet happiness last. a week, a month, a year, 10 years, or a lifetime. as long as i love him and he love me. i wan no one else bud him. he's too good to be true. i dunno if he's really that good. bud all i noe is that, i'm deeply in love with him. benson tan. tan yong han. i noe that they will be people who finds me a flirt. a flirt who have a new boyfren jus after her previous one. bud i noe that, as long as ben loves me. we are happy with wad we are now. all his actions have touched me right into my heart. he had made me feel so much like a princess. like a little girl. like his girlfriend. his kisses and hugs are warm. they make my heart skip its beatings. they make me just wan to be his and listen to him forever. and i jus wish an hope and pray that he'll be the one who walk through my lifetime. cuz...i just love him.
cheng jin yong you is sufficient for a lifetime.
hugs`