Friday, March 30, 2007

edited 2336
i felt the stress. i din know why. i couldnt find an answer to what i wanted to know. in fact, i din know wad i wanted to know. i dunno why also, that a talk with him would make me so down. is it the person that is talking to me? or is it the topic which we were talking abt? i dunno why i felt as if, i ran through the time since 3 years back. and everything just came back to me. from the time me and jl got close, we got together, the time spent together, we had our o lvls, working together, getting our o lvl results, den into different institutions of studies, den we drifted apart, the break ups we had, and the eventual break up, the lonely period, the meeting of benson, knowing him, being with him, the happy times, den the break up. it was a long 3 years. yet it could be summarised within a paragraph. till now, i dunno wad i've got. it seemed like i've been going round and round. searching for something which seemed to be so important to me that whenever it came into my hands, it would slipped away eventually. all of a sudden, i din feel like meeting him. bud i've already promised him. wad's wrong with me. why do i feel so weak all of a sudden? why does it seem like, i'm so affected? why cant i fathom wad i really want and need..
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as i watched the rain drops fell onto the roads while on my way home todae, i din know why bud i felt a sense of happiness and joy. i've always like the rain. especially when i'm feeling down. it jus gives me a kind of consolence. =))
the weekend is here. i'm enjoying every second of it now. it's a good time for me to recharge myself. i'm learning to let go. cuz i cant find any other ways or reasons to stay on. because my definition of love- to give the person i love happiness myself, will not work in this case. i cant be selfish. i have to move on. besides, i love it being this way. at least.. i'm more free to do anything i wan. =))

3/30/2007 10:22:00 PM

- allalone -